


Leave The Past Behind

by PunkyPenguin



Series: The Only Thing That Matters [2]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Aged-Up Otabek Altin, Aged-Up Yuri Plisetsky, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Happy Ending, Eventual Otabek Altin/Yuri Plisetsky, Eventual Romance, Eventual Smut, M/M, Past Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Past Relationship(s), Porn With Plot, Protective Yuri Plisetsky, Trust Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-30
Updated: 2017-07-30
Packaged: 2018-12-08 21:32:25
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11655150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PunkyPenguin/pseuds/PunkyPenguin
Summary: You don't know what you have until it's gone.No saying had ever been truer in Yuri's eyes.It had taken Yuri half a year to realize he still loved Otabek, and that his relationship with JJ was not what he had imagined. Though as Yuri makes his way back to Russia with his tail between his legs, he finds Otabek more dead than alive in their apartment. Now all he can do is wonder if he will ever have the chance to make things right, and if Otabek will ever forgive him for his mistakes."This is all my fault."





	Leave The Past Behind

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! Per request, I am following up on "Bad Habits", the first part of this series. I really want to follow up on the events in that chapter and continue this as a multi-chapter thing :) So here we are! 
> 
> Enjoy~

_Home_. 

Yuri dug himself further into his fluffy coat as he made his way to the exit of Pulkovo International Airport on the outskirts of Saint Petersburg. The cold air hit his face as soon as he stepped foot outside and felt shivers run along his spine. Even though Canada had been cold when Yuri had left, the winter breeze flowing in from the ocean felt entirely different. It felt comforting, something Yuri had missed during the past seven months he had been away.  

Dragging a small leopard print suitcase behind him and a black backpack flung over his shoulder, Yuri hauled a taxi. Quickly he placed the luggage in the trunk before sitting down in the backseat. With a small sigh Yuri gave the taxi driver the address of his destination. _Home._  

As the taxi drove off, Yuri's heartbeat picked up. Nervously he plucked his phone out of his jeans' pocket and scrolled through his social media absently. His finger came to a rest as he saw a picture of him and Jean-Jacques roll by. One that was taken only a week ago, both of their faces lit up with a smile. The sight of it made Yuri's heart clench. 

Even though things had been great with JJ at first, – and were great up until a few days ago – Yuri had slowly felt himself getting more annoyed at everything JJ did. Small things like leaving his toothbrush out on the sink or not closing a bottle of soda all the way, to bigger things like refusing to talk when something bothered him and keeping Yuri from spending time on Skype with the few friends he had left. 

After he'd broken up with Otabek, Yuri had fled the country and moved in with JJ. It was the only thing he could think of; trading his home in Russia for Toronto, leaving everything behind to be with the man he loved. The irony that it was exactly what Otabek had done for him all those years ago hadn't escaped him. 

It wasn't that Yuri had truly stopped loving Otabek, but they'd simply grown apart. Seeing the pain on Otabek's face each night Yuri came home from training was something that had started weighing on him. He'd started to feel guilty about still being able to live his dream, while all Otabek could do was wait for him to come home. It had filled him with dread, making him _not_ want to come home, just so he wouldn't have to see that flash of pain on Otabek's face every day.  

That was when he'd searched for someone to talk to. For some reason JJ had been the first and only person he'd thought of. JJ and Otabek had been friends for ages. If someone knew how to deal with Otabek, it would be JJ. What Yuri hadn't planned on, was slowly but surely falling in love with him. Through text, through late night calls when Yuri told Otabek he was going out for a run. It had happened so gradually that Yuri couldn't even pinpoint the exact moment it had happened. 

But eventually, Yuri had been so smitten with the Canadian that he hadn't been able to hide it from Otabek any longer. Selfishly he'd followed his heart to Canada, not caring about breaking Otabek's heart in the process. 

The months had flown by, the absolute highlight being his gold medal and JJ's silver medal at the Grand Prix Final a month and a half ago. The two of them had celebrated for days, drinking champagne in their hotel bed and making sweet love well into the night. They had even booked the room an extra few days as a sort of extended vacation. 

Yet as Yuri and JJ arrived back in Toronto and everyday life began, things got hard on Yuri. He and JJ would be in each other's company 24/7 now that the off-season had started. Of course, they planned small trips like skiing and visiting the United States for a few days, but something felt off to Yuri. And it had only taken him a few days to figure out exactly what that _something_  was. 

Yuri compared everything about JJ to Otabek. 

 _Everything_. 

Yuri would make small jokes that Otabek would always chuckle about, and JJ wouldn't understand them. JJ regularly cooked for Yuri, yet even his favorite meals tasted different from how Otabek used to make them. Small signs that Yuri was annoyed or something was bothering him were often completely missed by JJ – or worse, mistaken for Yuri being 'bratty', leading to an unavoidable argument between the lovers.  

Slowly but surely, everything JJ did was compared to what Otabek used to do, and it started driving Yuri crazy. It made Yuri realize that maybe hadn't been over Otabek as much as he thought he had been; that maybe Yuri missed Otabek more than he ever thought he would. That despite how they had grown apart, Yuri wanted nothing more than to lie in Otabek's arms again, rather than in JJ's.  

 _You don't know what you have until it's gone_.  

No saying had ever been truer in Yuri's eyes. 

All of Yuri's small frustrations with JJ had lead up to that moment a couple of days ago, when Yuri had finally snapped at a relatively small thing: JJ not cleaning up his hair in the sink after trimming his undercut. Yuri had yelled at JJ, all the anger and forgotten pain suddenly all bubbling to the surface. What could have been a small argument had exploded into a fight that was worse than Yuri's break-up with Otabek. Angrily and with tears in his eyes, Yuri had spat the words he that had been on his tongue for weeks. 

 _"You're not_ _Otabek_ _and you will never be as good as him!"_  

In a fit of anger, the normally calm and cheerful JJ had snapped back at Yuri. _"Then why don't you go back to him?!"_  

Yuri had risen up to the challenge. For the second time within months, he had collected his most needed belongings and stuffed them into the small leopard print suitcase that he'd bought when he left Otabek. Again, the irony of the situation wasn't lost to Yuri. As the reality of the situation seemed to slightly dawn on JJ, he had apologized to Yuri – begged him to stay – but Yuri was determined. He didn’t want to stay in Toronto, he wanted to go home. To Otabek.  

Yuri had left in a hurry and without a word to anyone. He'd turned his phone off, not wanting to deal with the continuous stream of apologetic texts from JJ, or the man's friends who wondered where he was and what had happened. Yuri had booked himself he first flight back to Saint Petersburg he could find, and was slightly annoyed that it was only two days later. To keep himself hidden from the world – and especially his ex-boyfriend – Yuri had booked himself a cheap hotel for the next few days. And for the first time in months, he'd called Otabek. 

Yet no one had answered on the other end. It had filled Yuri with an unfamiliar anxiety. 

Yuri had even been bold enough to contact Milla, and ask her if she had any information on Otabek. Much to his surprise, his childhood friend had absolutely no idea what Otabek had been doing the past months. She didn't even know if he still lived in the old apartment, since the few times she'd shown up there, no one had answered the door. 

Yuri's heart had pounded at the information.  

What had added to the unsettling feeling that had been growing in Yuri's stomach, was the fact that he hadn't heard from Otabek _once_  since he left. It was to be expected, but as the months had passed, Yuri expected that eventually Otabek would try to contact him one way or the other. But instead, all of Otabek's social media had remained untouched, and none of the texts Yuri had sent him had been read. If Yuri didn't know better, he would have said Otabek had ceased to exist. 

The fact that Yuri had no idea about what he was going to find when he opened the front door of his previous apartment, made his stomach flip with nerves. With each passing minute and each mile closer to home, the feeling grew bigger. Nervously he took the keys out of his pocket and absently played with them. Only a few minutes later, the taxi stopped outside the apartment building that was so familiar, yet felt so foreign at the same time. 

After paying the taxi driver and getting his belongings from the trunk, Yuri took a deep breath and walked inside.  

"I can do this, everything will be okay," Yuri quietly murmured to himself as the elevator took him to the ninth floor of the building. It was a route he had taken a million times before, yet his heart had never pounded the way it did this time. 

As Yuri reached the front door of his house – his and Otabek's house – he swallowed the lump that had formed in the back of his throat. He'd parked his suitcase next to the door, deciding it would be best to see if someone was even home first. Ever so quietly Yuri stuck the key into the lock, slightly surprised that it still fit. _"At least no one changed the locks while I was gone,"_  Yuri thought to himself and pushed the door open and stepped inside tentatively, heart hammering in his chest. 

The first thing that greeted Yuri, was the smell. It was _horrible_. Like something had died and had been left to rot and decompose for _months_ mixed with the overwhelming scent of alcohol. It made his already queasy stomach flip and churn so violently that for a second, Yuri thought he would throw up. For just a second Yuri considered turning around and leaving. There was no way anyone would be living in a stench like that. 

Yet something compelled Yuri to keep going. With the sleeve of his coat covering his nose in an attempt to block out the smell, Yuri walked further into the apartment. The lights were off, and his feet kicked something. The object rattled as it bounced against the wall.  

"What the..." Yuri started. Blindly his hand searched along the wall for the light switch. Though as the overhead ceiling light in the middle of the living room flipped on and illuminated the room, Yuri wished he would have stepped outside when he had the chance. 

The whole room was a mess. The TV was standing lopsided on the small stand, obviously broken; plants that Otabek had always taken good care off were all dead in their pots; the cabinets of the kitchen were opened, but nothing seemed to be inside. But most of all, the floor was littered with empty beer cans, beer bottles, and numerous bottles of any type of liquor Yuri knew.  

 _"What the hell happened here?"_  Yuri thought as he carefully stepped over a broken bottle of vodka. 

In Yuri's mind, there was no way Otabek still lived here. This looked like a place belonging to a drug or alcohol addict, not Otabek. Not _his_ Beka. At least, that was what Yuri tried to convince himself of as he made his way around the couch. But the broken pictures on the floor and the book case in the corner of the room were obviously his. _Theirs_.  

As Yuri walked past the couch, a sound from the kitchen sent his heart pounding, blood rushing in his ears. Someone was here! 

Ever so quietly, Yuri bent over and grabbed a smashed bottle that lay by his feet and raised it, ready to strike in case anyone decided to attack him. Carefully Yuri glanced around the corner. The kitchen was empty. But that sound...  

Yuri took another good look, eyes shifting lower when he saw him on the floor. 

"Beka!" 

Yuri dropped the bottle, hearing it shatter further on the floor, and ran towards the limp body on the floor. His heart hammered against his ribcage as he dropped himself to his knees next to Otabek's head. 

Otabek was lying on his stomach in the middle of the kitchen, surrounded by more empty bottles. His hair was messy, much longer than Yuri had ever seen it, even the undercut grown out to the point where hit would definitely _not_  be considered an undercut anymore. The clothes Otabek had on were dirty, stained in various places, and smelled horrible. But what shocked Yuri the most, was the clear stain of vomit on the floor right by Otabek's face. 

"Beka!" Yuri yelled again, feeling the sting of tears in his eyes. This wasn't happening, this couldn't be happening. 

Otabek remained silent, except for a raspy gasp that suddenly forced its way out of his chest. 

Yuri did the first thing he could think of: he turned Otabek onto his side and tightly held him with a hand on the Kazakh's shoulder. His other hand pulled his phone from his pocket as soon as he could, and he dialed 112. 

"I got you, baby, hold on. Hold on, Beka," Yuri muttered to the barely conscious man on the floor. 

 _"112, what's your emergency?_ _"_  a lady on the other side of the phone answered. 

"I just found my boyfriend passed out on the floor. He's been drinking, and he's barely breathing! Please, send someone over, he needs help!" Yuri yelled into the phone, tears now running down his cheeks. 

 _"We'll send someone over right away, sir. What i_ _s_ _your_ _address?"_  the woman calmly responded. 

Yuri choked back a sob as he gave her his address and hung up. Gently Yuri ran his fingers through Otabek's long, greasy hair in a way he remembered Otabek loved. Otabek would always press his head into Yuri's hand like a kitten, though there was absolutely no response this time. Yet Yuri couldn't stop caressing Otabek's face and hair, ever so softly running his fingertips along the scruffy beard. Under his fingers, he could feel that Otabek's face was much thinner than it had ever been, the cheekbones dangerously sharp. Yuri wanted to scream, cry, yell at Otabek for doing this to himself, but instead he kept himself together. He would be strong for Otabek. 

The six-minute wait for the ambulance seemed to take a lifetime. Even when Yuri could hear the sirens in the background coming closer and eventually turn off right outside the apartment building, it still felt like it took hours for the paramedics to make their way up to his front door.  

Yuri was pushed aside as the two men rushed inside, stepping over the mess on the floor and did their job. They stabilized Otabek's neck and intubated him, one man squeezing oxygen into Otabek's lungs via the handheld balloon attached to the tube. An IV was placed in Otabek's hand. He was lifted onto a gurney and rolled out of the apartment within a matter of minutes. Without a second thought, Yuri followed behind and, after explaining that he was Otabek's boyfriend, they let him ride in the back of the ambulance. They arrived at the hospital only five minutes later. 

Otabek was taking to the trauma room that Yuri wasn't allowed to enter. So instead he paced back and forth in front of it, still able to see some of the things they were doing to Otabek. His clothes got cut open until he was left completely bare. Something about it felt so wrong to Yuri; to have the world see Otabek like this, in his most vulnerable state. After about ten minutes of watching multiple doctors work on Otabek, he'd had enough; he couldn't watch anymore.  

Grabbing his phone, Yuri called the only person he could think of at that moment: Milla.  

As Milla answered, Yuri broke down. He cried and sobbed into the phone as he tried to explain everything to her. Milla stayed calm, her voice soothing, and said she would be at the hospital in ten minutes, and hung up. 

As promised, Milla walked through the doors of the hospital not more than ten minutes later. Before Yuri could stop himself, he leaped into her arms and cried on her shoulder. Everything, from the moment Yuri realized he wanted Otabek back, to finding him near death, it all became too big of a burden to bear for Yuri at the moment. All he could do was cry and sob into Milla's shirt and hold on to her as a lifeline. 

Minutes later, a doctor came from the trauma room where Otabek was being looked after, and wanted to know if either Yuri or Milla were family. 

"I'm his boyfriend," Yuri stated, and chose to ignore the confused look on Milla's face. "But whatever it is, she's a close friend. I'm okay with her hearing everything you have to say." 

The doctor nodded and spoke in a clear voice: "Mr. Altin's internal organs had started shutting down from the amount of alcohol he's been drinking – probably over a longer amount of time. We've stabilized that, but we'll have to keep an eye on it regardless. Another thing is that he's unconscious and unresponsive. His reflexes are still present, but we can't get him to wake up. So, what I want to propose, is to keep him in an artificially induced coma until we're sure all effects from the alcohol have left his system. That way we can strengthen up his body first. In any case, you should count yourself lucky. He probably wouldn't have lasted much longer on his own." 

Yuri only nodded. He'd missed half of the doctor's words, because his brain just couldn't comprehend the situation. Otabek could have _died_. If Yuri hadn't had that fight with JJ and hadn't decided to go back home, Otabek _would_ have died. 

"Beka..." Yuri whispered. 

Instantly Milla was by his side, barely in time to catch him as Yuri collapsed onto his knees on the floor and wailed with his hands covering his face. Milla's arms were all Yuri could hold on to as he finally let his emotions out. Yuri screamed into Milla's shoulder, he tugged at his own hair so hard it hurt, and he let himself be overtaken by the pain he felt.  

"I did this to him, Milla... This is my fault," Yuri barely managed to gasp out in between sobs. 

"No one could have known this would happen, Yuri. Don't blame yourself for this, because it's not your fault," Milla replied as she held her friend in her arms. 

Her words set off another wave of tears and sobs exploding from Yuri's chest, and he simply let it happen. He let Milla hold him while he cried his eyes out. All he could think was _"Why?"_. Why did this have to happen to Otabek? Why didn't he look for help? Why did he let it get that far? 

Yuri should have never left him. He loved Otabek more than he would ever be able to express in words. Otabek could _still_  die from this; a direct result of Yuri walking out of the Kazakh's life. Suddenly those months with JJ meant nothing anymore. All he wanted was for Otabek to be okay. Otabek could hate him for breaking up with him and being the cause of his current state after that. After he was all better. 

Yuri's swollen and bloodshed eyes slid shut as he was enveloped by Milla's arms, who had gently began patting Yuri's hair and rocking him back and forth. It calmed him a little, enough to feel how exhausted he was. Within minutes, Yuri fell asleep against Milla's chest with only one thought on his mind. 

 _"This is all my fault."_  

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, I had no intentions for it to be so sad *cries*  
> But trust me, it gets worse before it gets better! There will be a happy ending to this sorry! <3
> 
> Let me know what you think of it, kudos and comments are always highly appreciated <3
> 
> [PunkyPenguin](https://punky-penguin.tumblr.com)  
> Proud member of the [Otayuri Writers Collective](http://otayuriwriterscollective.tumblr.com/)


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